


maybe, somewhere, we can be happy again

by manillak



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, Depression, M/M, Trigger Warning- Severe Depression, University, akaashi im sorry, im so so sorry, im sorry oikawa, iwaizumi deserves more im sorry to him too, kuroo you too, ultimate angst, you guys deserve more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:56:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8270008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manillak/pseuds/manillak
Summary: Sweetheart, what have you done to us?
  
  I turned my back and you turned to dust
  
  What have you done? 

   What have you done to our love? 
 It's been two months since Oikawa has spoken to Hajime, and the Prozac has stopped working





	

**Author's Note:**

> _hi there ___  
> surprise im not dead  
>  this is angst- it's also the first half decent thing i've written since june  
> don't read this, it's not proof read and i wrote 70% of it while asleep  
> but enjoy  
> more chapters coming soon  
> unless i start feeling shitty again  
> otherwise, sorry

_ hey iwa-chan _

 

_ im doing fine  _

_ just so you know  _

 

_ Read 8:38pm _

_ … _

 

_ im not devastatingly broken-hearted or anything  _

 

_ thanks for asking  _

 

_ Read 9:27pm _

_ … _

 

_ answer me iwa-chan _

 

_ Read 11:12pm _

 

_ … _

 

_ Stop being a dumbass Oikawa _

_ Read 11:14pm  _

_ … _

 

_ i miss you iwa-chan _

 

_ Delivered 1:43am _

* * *

 

Things have changed for Oikawa. In the past three weeks he's lost three casual matches, one serious one, a considerable amount of hair and weight, his learner’s license, his favorite pair of  socks, and his mother’s trust in him. He's also lost a warmth in his bed, two comforting arms wrapped around him, an essential part of his happiness, and, most importantly, a lover. 

 

Tokyo was the furthest he had ever been from Miyagi. It was the longest he was ever going to be away, too. The winding city of lights was hardly anything in his eyes, not compared to his home. 

 

He had a home back in Miyagi, a home full of support and love and familiarity. But Oikawa’s home lived in Osaka now, and Oikawa’s home didn't want to love him anymore. 

 

Studies and practice awaited him, but he couldn't shift from his bed. Curled up, pitiful and pathetic. Despite, his limbs were still heavy as lead, unable to move. 

 

_ Maybe you deserve this, maybe it was coming all along.  _

 

_ You can't blame everything on circumstance, can you, Tooru? _

 

But the worst thought, looming in the back of his mind, chipping away at his well being second by second; 

 

_ He's probably found someone better.  _

* * *

“Oikawa-kun, I do not think you understand,”, the coordinator laced her fingers together on the desk and pursed her lips. “I will have to suspend you if this attitude towards your work continues.”.

Oikawa felt his eye twitch, but otherwise said nothing, pushing the woman into further desperation. 

“I realize your primary focus is on sports, but you are a student at Tansei. That means it is necessary for you to complete all assignments if you want to graduate with a degree.”.

There was no answer. The coordinator was getting more heated by the minute. 

“The counselor’s office is down the hall if you have any issues you'd like to discuss.”.

Oikawa leaned forward in his chair, face tilting forward again from staring out the window. 

“You'll be reviving all the work from me from now on.”, he asserted, getting up from his chair and pacing towards the door. “I can fax a copy of every paper I write directly to your office, if you'd like.”.

He smiled wide, waving a hand and shutting the door behind him. His smirk dropped the second he heard the bang behind him. He'd get into trouble for that soon, he knew, but he couldn't care less at that moment.

Tears were beginning to well in his eyes, but he kept his head down as he rushed down the halls, refusing to let them fall. He wasn't as weak as this, he was sure. 

The stairs up towards his dorm seem a forever away, and he's given many questioning looks from passers-by. When he reaches his room, he cries into his pillow, silent and shaking. 

There is no soothing voice to calm him down, to tell him he's being stupid, because that soothing voice is the reason he's breaking down. 

Oikawa skips dinner that day, taking a few bites of a cereal bar instead. 

The next morning he finds himself visiting a certain bed-headed boy he had befriended during orientation. 

He opens the door to Kuroo’s apartment, a fluttering white curtain coming into sight. He sees a boy in front of it, black hair and blue eyes, elegant as he is beautiful. 

“Hey, Akaashi.”, Oikawa greets, stepping into the room. Akaashi turns toward him, mild surprise crossing over his face, though it was hard to catch. 

“Hello, Oikawa-san.”.

The door to the balcony opens and in walks Kuroo, a cigarette hanging out of his grinning mouth. Kuroo and Akaashi look him up and down for a second, their sly eyes picking up detail, before Kuroo jerks his head towards the balcony, an invitation to join him. 

“What can I do you for, Oikawa?”, he askes, leaning over the railing. The sky id bright against his eyes as he steps outside, too. Kurro is in a worn pair of sweatpants and a tank top that has easily seen better days, constarting starkly against Akaashi’s suit trousers and button-down, back inside. Smoke puffs out of his mouth and his shoulders arch in a rugged curve. Oikawa rolls against the rail, too, a single elbow holding his weight upon it. 

“I'm not allowed to visit without significant reason is what you're implying here.”, he chimes airily. 

“Excuse me for such a speculative question, then, but you can't bullshit me. What's on your mind?”. Kuroo’s voice is even more rough than he remembers from orientation day, just three weeks ago. He wonders how many cigarettes he smoked since then. 

‘It's nothing big’, he's about to say, but that would be lying; Oikawa can’t think of anything else. Instead he shifts the conversation. 

“Do you have any close friends, Kuroo? Outside of college, I mean.”, he adds hastily. He's seen Akaashi and him with a grey-haired boy around campus before. Akaashi enters the balcony, silently slinking by, and leans against the sliding glass door. 

Kuroo takes a long drag of his cigarette, refusing to meet Oikawa’s questioning gaze, not out of fear, but in pondering contemplation. Yet, Oikawa turns not away to give him privacy in his thoughts, as he needs every raw emotion Kuroo can offer him. 

“There was a childhood friend I left behind in Tokyo,”, he begins, gaze clouded, grin straightened out into a bleak grimace. He heaves heartily and flicks ash out over the ledge, looking down. “Knew him since I was six. I had convinced him to stay by my side for years.”, he smiles then, broken and sad, but fond. “Middle school, high school, and he might've hated it, all the time we spent together. Maybe he didn't value it as much as I did.”.

Kuroo turns to look at Oikawa with eyes wise beyond his years, wise beyond what a single person deserves. 

“I never got the chance to ask, really. Life comes at you fast, and there's jack shit you can do about it.”. He turns, beaming saltily at Akaashi. Akaashi’s expression switches in a split second from mildly heartfelt to completely unimpressed, the minute he turned around. His crossed hands and leaning posture complete the expression. He gives off the most convincing statement of, ‘I don't care’ that Oikawa has ever seen. 

Kuroo stays grinning anyways. 

Akaashi pushes off the door, tiredly remarking, “Your inspiring positivity is an example to us all, Kuroo. Now come take your meds, you pain in the ass.”.

He slides open the glass, trooping back inside. Oikawa watches the shadows on his black oxfords shift and he walks. 

Oikawa stays outside, soaking up the extra sun while Kuroo gets his shot. They call him back in almost an hour later to tell him that they're ordering Chinese and to ask him what he'd like. 

He eats his chowmein in silence, watching TV and chuckling at Kuroo and Akaashi’s odd bants. Bokuto joins the group right after dinner, and whines about having to wash dishes even though he didn't even eat anything. Oikawa leaves just before the sun fully sets, setting off with the excuse of catching the last bus back to campus before it left.

There's an unspoken invitation to come back whenever he'd like, and he doesn't know why that makes him as sad as it does. 

 

* * *

 

 

It's hard for him to concentrate now, schoolwork lying abandoned on a corner of his bed. He shut his laptop an hour ago, unable to watch any movie or TV show. He doesn't want to get up or go out, but he can't stand to stare at the walls a second longer. 

Fumbling around the covers, Oikawa finds his phone and dials a single number on speed-dial. 

It rings three times, each shrill buzz elevating his heart. 

There's an overlay of crackling when Hajime picks up, mostly from the bad signals. 

_ “Hello?”. _

Oikawa swallows, steadying his voice. It probably takes a second too long because Iwaizumi repeats in the silence, a confused,

_ “Hello? Oikawa?”. _

“It's me, Iwa-chan.”, he starts, failing to think of a witty joke to crack. He doesn't know what to say, or why he called. 

He hears a sigh on the other line, and talking in the background. He's out with friends, and the thought jolts Oikawa’s chest. 

_ “Listen, I meant what I said, Oika-”.  _

“I'm not calling to try and negotiate. I think you took the right choice.”, the words are hard to say. He feels wrong lying to Iwaizumi, but Oikawa knows that Hajime can see through him so easily, no matter how confident his words or how bright his smile. 

“But we can just stay friends, can't we?”. 

_ “Uh- yeah.”. _

He's caught Iwaizumi off-guard with that, and his pride flutters just the slightest for it. 

_ “Sure, Shittykawa. My mom misses you anyways.”. _

It stings to hear. 

“I was always her favourite, Iwa-chan. It must be tough for you.”.

Iwaizumi doesn't argue, or shout, or even jab back. Instead he half-heartedly agrees, and Oikawa feels as if he's lost something. 

_ “Yeah, whatever, dumbass.”. _

There's a silence, too busy with thoughts to be significantly awkward, in which Oikawa revels in loss, and Hajime revels in regret. 

_ “Hey, I'm out right now, so, I can't really talk.”. _

“Yeah, go ahead. I’ve got to finish some work, too.”. He winces at the forceful, cliche line. 

_ “Yeah- later, Oikawa.”. _

Steady beeping in his ear, encompassing and painful, the sound practically laughing at his stupidity. He whispers into the room, unheard by any, his voice strained, his mind throbbing.

_ “What have we become, Iwa-chan?”. _

  
  


_ “What have you done to us?”. _

**Author's Note:**

> these guys don't deserve what i have in store for them  
> this story probably won't be too long either, maybe five chapters, eight tops? this was also a _really _short chapter, i just needed a morale boost/any motivation at all__
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> _thank 4 reads_  
>  u guys r 3 good 5 me  
> 


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